College Dropout?

Pulling a Kanye one month before I graduate with a bachelors would be the stupidest thing I could ever do. And readers, if you have read my previous blogs, you will see, I've made one too many stupid decisions in my personal life.

Of course dropping out and pursuing my life long dream to be a Hollywood star wasn't really on my "to-do" life list however, it really is just hitting me NOW and when I say now, I literally mean 5 hours ago, that I cannot be babied anymore. My butt is getting kicked out in the real world in 30 days whether I like it or not. This is a tough concept for me to grasp, and I am sure I'm not alone, however I am feeling very lonely at the moment because it seems to me that I am the only one feeling this way.

When people ask me, "so what do you plan to do now?" I can't BS an answer anymore and say, "I'm not sure yet, I still have time to figure it out." NOPE. WRONG ANSWER. DOUBLE WHAMMY.

DEE, get your shiiiiiii-cago together. NOW. I need some inspiration and a pint of ben and jerrys.

unpretty.

Somehow i find inspiration to blog when i should be studying.

As i was studying, i was shamelessly regressing and watching The Disney Channel and Nick. It made me feel super old but the shows were actually funny and entertaining to me. Sometimes the cheesy acting can be a little over the top but hey, cant blame them...it attracts the tweens...and me! (:

I channel surfed between ICarly, Shake it Up, Good Luck Charlie, So Random, and Victorious. Every show has gorgeous teenage girls who can sing, dance and have a rockin' 90 lbs bod at 17 or so. For years and years i secretly envied these talented girls with almost no body fat on them. one of my biggest insecurities have always been my arms and i would always watch these shows and think, "man, why cant i have normal arms like that?"

 These TV shows and pop culture have brainwashed me to think this is how every girl should look like:

flawless skin, amazing bone structure, naturally long lashes, and arms the size of twigs. Now don't get me wrong, Victoria Justice IS gorrrrgeous...but then again she is also the exception. If you watch too many TV shows or movies and read fashion magazines and blogs on the daily, you start to get influenced by these images. It starts by wanting the lipstick they're wearing, then the shoes and clothes and eventually you get down to the body shape and figure which are mostly bone-thin-skinny body figures.

Lucky for me, I keep it all in my mind. I know I will never have the same body build as Miss.Victoria Justice, so I have learned to accept it and admire from afar. I haven't felt the need to take this jealousy to a new level because well...I just love food too much so there was no way I could ever try to be anorexic. I have really bad gag reflexes and could never try to make myself throw up so bulimia was never an option for me either. I tried the whole salad a meal thing but my stomach wants what it wants, and it does not want rabbit food. 

Unfortunately there are others who aren't as lucky as me and have taken their body consciousness to those levels. 

Now, So Random is a spin off of Sonny with a Chance. It has basically the same cast minus Demi Lovato. As I was watching I noticed how Tiffany Thornton had arms like me and seemed like she gained weight but she still LOOKED amazing. Then I thought about Demi and how she went from Disney star to "another child star in rehab". We all know that Miss. Lovato has had her shares of ups and downs this past year and it shows. 

I definitely do not think her "weight gain" is so terrible. I think she looks GREAT! shes embracing her curves and flaunting what shes got! I never really followed what happened to her and why but after whatever she has been through, showing up in public in that dress is a huge step forward from being ashamed, depressed, and bulimic.

I came to the realization that Disney took this as a wake up call, that not every girl is built the way Victoria Justice or Selena Gomez are. I remember growing up watching Lizzie McGuire and how they had the one episode where Miranda had an anorexic phase and Raven in Thats' so Raven was curvy and proud. And that was great and all but for one of Disneys stars to step forward and announce that she has a problem is completely different than someone just acting it. I feel that they strayed away from that for a while and latched on to the child star fad of hannah montana and skinny young brunettes.

 With all the Disney stars with tainted reputations, I hope they will at least take this lesson and have absolutely no tolerance for another one of their child stars to want to abuse their bodies in the same way. Disney not only has to campaign a healthy lifestyle, they need to show their young viewers that every body is different and that is what makes us all beautiful.

End the skinny arm stereotypes!

are you in the game?

so here i am, 2am with too much in my system and my mind.

Let's face it, most of us don't like to play games but the truth is, us sick and twisted human beings LOVE the teasing, the jealousy, the hard-to-get. What is wrong with us? Are we being hypocritical when we say we want someone to just be up front about their feelings? But in the end don't regard any of it? Honest to blog, we get bored when someone is easy to open up, and tells you straight forward that they like you. How gross is it that we like to torture our minds and someone elses feelings because we are required by human nature to give that element of surprise, not to show your hand too early in the game? Sure a lot of women say "why cant all guys be honest about their feelings and not play with you unless they like you?" but the sad reality is, we do it too. little. female. dogs.

stream of thought

too much de ja vue has been happening in my life. different people, similar situations...at first i thought it was just a coincidence, then it just happened again and again then i finally realized (after a long random conversation with killa), oh its me definitely.

i need to pluck up some courage for myself. my dignity. self respect.

WHO are you to think you can treat me like dirt, scum, second rate?

i am through beyond through taking scraps, being too nice for my own good, and taken for granted.

regrets and mistakes, they're memories made.

dear miami,

i REALLY should be sleeping but i feel like 5 year old me super anxious for my trip to Disney World. however, in my 21 year old case Disney World is Miami and Harry Potter World in Universal Studios :p

this trip is so much more different and sort of life changing than any other vacation ive taken because i get to finally meet my long-time-"online/skype/oovoo/bbm/phone"-best-friend. this has got to be the most complicated relationship i have ever had but one of the strongest as well. 4 years of ups and downs with the one friend whom i have never met in person but knows more about me than a lot of people within a 5 mile radius of me.

i cant wait to see what the next few days brings me.

<3

one conclusion away.

decided to keep this to keep ranting on about things, a place not a lot of people know about (:

here i am, senior year of my undergrad career, one conclusion away from my summer break. i dont know why i just cant seem to FINISH this paper. sigh...this semesters been real!!!!! real stressful, real reality check, real world SHADY GROVE. lol joking...kinda...

okay....let me finish this paper and get ready to enjoy my summer...until summer school starts...le sigh.

au revoir my loves.

In literal French translation, au revoir means till we see each other again, at least thats what How I Met Your Mother told me. 


This journey through blogging honestly helped me a lot with this semester, letting off some steam, expressing my feelings and trying to figure things out. My title, Fembots have feelings too orignally came from a song called "fembots" by Robyn. She has become a huge obsession of mine this semester when I rediscovered her music. Robyns songs are so catchy and original but at the same time her lyrics have just been so relatable to everything that I have been going through this semester, it was kinda a perfect set up as my blog name. 

I've got some news for you
Fembots have feelings too
You split my heart in two
Now what you gonna do?
Copied from MetroLyrics.com 

Unfortunately, most of this blog was dedicated to a certain douchebag that I wasted way too much time on, and how funny is it that I finally came to the realization that it needs to end, just as the semester comes to a close? (a HUGE apology to the friends who had to listen to me talk about him over and over and over again, i LOVE you guys, you know who you are <3 ) 

It only took me about as long as it takes for an embryo to pop out of its mother, several drinks and a few huge mistakes to get over this guy. Even though it hurts, I know I'll get over it eventually, move on with my life and start fresh again. At least it made for an interesting blog to write...I think (:

Anyways, so to continue on with my Robyn obsession, heres a song that says exactly how i feel at the moment. And as the french say au revoir, till I see you again

-Fembot.

Should Have Known-Robyn

I should have seen it coming
I should have f*cking known
How I could I let you play me
I don't even know
I should have seen it coming
I should have f*cking known
How I could I let you play me
I don't even know

I'm such a fool
I can't beleive I let you in my life
You broke the rules
But I should have known you'd do it all the time
Thought we were cool with everything
but who I'm kidding
It's every players favorite crime
To make you feel like it's all real
When it's a lie
And I should have known

I should have f*cking known
How I could I let you play me
I don't even know
I should have seen it coming
I should have f*cking known
How I could I let you play me
I don't even know

I should have known
My family they never did pretend
My mama felt she never liked you
neither did my friends
And then you blamed it all on me
I should have known that's what liars try to do
It wasn't me it was you
You're the fool and I should have known

I should have f*cking known
How I could I let you play me
I don't even know
I should have seen it coming
I should have f*cking known
How I could I let you play me
I don't even know

If your heart is simple just like mine is
Then you would know just how it feels
When someone takes adavantage of your kindness
You think you're never gonna heal
If your soul is deep just like mine is
then you would know not to give up
Keep my faith even through the darkness
yeah I still believe in love

what's kept me sane.

One lesson everyone learns sometime or another is that you should never let one person control your happiness. Just because something doesn't work out with a certain  person doesn't mean you can't be happy. You've lived your life without them at one point, you can do it again and be just as happy with your life. Sure you shouldn't depend on one person because you have a whole support group behind you that can make you just as happy if not happier.

This semester has been a roller coaster of emotions, stress, and anxiety but despite all the craziness, i've had probably the best time of my life, in these few pictures captured just a few moments of the craziest semester of my life ♥

 after a stressful week of papers, exams, tumblers of coffee, fast food runs, sweatpants and running out the door without looking at a mirror, it was nice to finally take some time for myself and get pretty for a night out with the girls.

the girl that reminds me to keep my heels, head and standards HIGH. i love her for that<3

this, that or a little bit of both?

two different sayings that i grew up with:

"absence makes the heart grow fonder" and "out of sight, out of mind"

both similar, yet complete opposites at the same time. so, which one is correct?

i took it to the streets to answer this question...well...more like my friends opinions:

Mark S: absence makes the heart grow fonder, but thats only if the two care about each other. If it's like just a fling to one of the people, Than it's def out of sight out of mind

dee marie: I still have feelings for the kid but I guess out of sight out of mind helps
Danahsaur: Lawl. I used to believe in the opposite "absence makes the heart grow fonder"...because I think when you get used to having that person, and then suddenly you were apart, you feel like somethings missing. So the next time you see each other, the moment becomes sweeter.

Naomi: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Those comments serve different purposes though. cause if you want someone out of your life then maybe out of sight is out of mind... it all depends.

Jeff: with the absence of the other it makes the persons feeling grow stronger, and realizing that maybe he/she is needed

Wai: "The human mind is complex. Perhaps both quotes could apply. One could be trying to forget the person, but then they may want them at the same time..."

Serena: Absence makes the heart grow fonder for me! Because with absence you are without them which gives you time to realize and appreciate what you do have with them.

so apparently, with my love-struck friends, the verdict is "absence makes the heart grow fonder," now to a point I do agree with them, however I also think I could apply both quotes. It all depends on the context of the relationship I have with the person. 

ladies and gentlemen, your attention please.

Gentlemen...that word is hardly ever used anymore. Maybe because 'gentle men' is a rare find.And that whole feminist movement, gives women the power to initiate things first with guys. Sometimes it works, sometimes it gives guys the idea that they already got us in the bag. It is tough to live in the 21st century, and still want to be courted. Some people might not even know what that means, well according to dictionary.com:

court

   [kawrt, kohrt]  Show IPA

–verb (used without object)

23.

to seek another's love; woo.

24.

(of animals) to engage in certain species-specific behaviors inorder to attract individuals of the opposite sex for mating.

Now growing up in a Filipino household, my mom always told me stories about how men would flock to her, showering her with presents and attention for her hand in marriage. I know to some this might sound ridiculous, but I do believe guys still have the ability to do this still. In my opinion, guys use the 'equality' movement as an excuse to be lazy in a relationship. Of course us women will do our part in the relationship, but we want to see you do work too. We want to know how into us you really are, so we want to see how far you will go to catch our attention. How hard can it be to follow that?

Is it too much to ask to be wooed?

sweet nothings.

Its nice to be called "babe", "my girl" or even cheesy names like "honey bee", but it means nothing when those terms of endearment don't have actions to follow. 

Anybody can use those names or say sweet things to brighten up your day. 

Here is a small list of sweet/corny things that make your heart flutter, but others want to puke:

• sending good morning text messages
• telling you how beautiful you look
• use winky faces after a flirty message
• cuddle
• hold hands
• tight hugs
• tell you "i miss you"

These are just some simple things, but when done by the right person, can get your heart pumping like you just finished running 10 miles. 

But does it really mean something? Or is it just one way to keep you hanging on? If you think about it, those actions that are listed are pretty generic. Hate to break it to you, sweetie, but there are jerks out there who mass text sweet 'hellos', hold your hand or cuddle just because he feels like it not because it "feels right", say "i miss you" but not go out of his way to see you.

Always be on the look out for sweet nothings, they must be followed by sweet actions consistently, or else you're in something called being led on.

with a little bit of effort...

Lets face it, most guys like to be the dominant one in relationships. Now lets not get into the whole feminist, "woman-go-make-me-a-sandwich", chivalry debate. Not the blog I am writing about right now. All I'm saying is they like to feel like they are in control, it's human nature.

Now with that being said, us ladies can use this to our complete advantage. So it didn't work out with the last douchebag I mean guy. But you know what, in the words of Jay-Z, "I'm on to the next one, on to the next one".

After my week (or so) of sulking and annoying my friends to the point of phone-number-deletion-due-to-incessant-drunk-calling-to-the-guy, I stumbled upon this quote from one of my favorite chick flicks He's Just Not that Into You:

"if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what"

and just like that it hit me like a ton of bricks: if he really wanted to be with me, he would do anything (or most normal-average-culturally-accepted) things to be with me, to contact me, to get a hold of me.

so the next time I decide to let my guard down again, I wont do any work in trying to build a stable relationship. if he really wanted to be with me, he'll do anything.

totally kidding, but what I will do is to read the signs better, maybe initiate a couple of things here and there but see if the guy will make any effort to woo me. 

oh look a new message from an unsaved number...hm.

yeah, well, we will see how this goes...in the mean time:

blast this in your headphones, and walk away from the bull like a boss. Deuces, son!

500 days, wasted.

Okay, maybe not 500 days but...close enough.

If you haven't read my previous blog 

and you're questioning what to put up as your Facebook official status

...read it for your own sake 

before you get stuck in your delusional dreams

 that may or may not be crushed 

unless you ask the question from my previous blog. 

So if it is too late for you, and you did not read my blog,

you have the movie 500 Days of Summer on blu-ray,

looping over and over again with a pint of Ben&Jerrys Dulce Delish

then I raise my spoonful of ice creamy goodness to you,

to us, we have been screwed over. Cheers.

So you avoided the question of what you two are exactly,

maybe because you thought you were on the same page

or were too scared to ask,

whatever the reason may be,

 it can't change the damage that has already been done.

Or maybe you did pluck up the courage and brought up that topic,

 but things did not turn out as you expected in your head. 

The next step, for either situation is to simply move on. 

Lets face it, yes you exerted a lot time, effort and feelings 

on this significant person that you can't get back

but there is no use to hold onto something that isnt there anymore.

I know for a fact, it is easier said than done, however it can be done!

Sure give yourself some time to cry yourself to sleep, 

turn off all forms of light, lay in your bed and think of what could've been, 

but after a few days or so, enough is enough.

Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing you are grieving over them

They could be so sick in the head to be happy over your misery.

Don't let them win anymore of your time! 

Remember  you are worth more 

than to be someones option, 

you should be someones priority.

Always remind yourself you only deserve the best.

Try not to think of it as wasted time and effort anymore,

thank the person (not literally) that they showed you what you 

don't want  from someone you  want to be with.

let me leave you with this, look past the obnoxious attitude, his humor should make you feel better (:

decisions, decisions.

Ah yes, the million dollar question: "what do you want from me"?

Every relationship goes through different stages, but to move on to another level, this question must be answered. If it isn't, then it will get you nowhere. Staying stagnant is fine, for friends, but if you don't know exactly what you are, and it's obviously passed that friendship line,  you either move forward together, or draw that line-o-boundaries again.  

When popping the big question, be prepared for an answer you  won't expect. In this case, it is best to have no expectations at all rather than expecting roses and daisies in a pot of gold that will have you leveling up like Super Mario. Sometimes you  run out of lives and there is nothing else left to do but press A for a new game.

Summer did. You tell 'em, girlfriend.:

"wait, when you mean hooked up..."

Lately, I have realized that even slang terms within teens and young adults have tons of polysemy, which basically means words that have more than one definition.Sometimes cutting a long story short...makes the story longer when you find out the friend you're talking to has a completely different definition of things you did, or said.

For example:

Person 1: "...and i found out that Sarah and Jimmy are talking now"
Person 2: "you mean talking-talking or just talking?"

it's funny to me how that is almost always the question after someone says that word, "talking". When Person 2 says "talking-talking" they mean "talking" as in getting to know each other in hopes that it will turn into dating or a relationship.

another example:

Person 1: "They hooked up!"
Person 2: "when they hooked up do you mean all the way, or just rated PG stuff?"

hooking up is different to each person. to some it may just be a smooch or two...or it may involve baby-making music.

moral of the story: be careful what you say and who you say it to.

lets play a love game.

At the moment, I should be working on my Linguistics and English homework, but no, I'd rather be working on my social media homework mostly because I need to get this off my chest.

Games are no fun. Especially when the toy is your heart. Sure it is fun in the beginning, the occasional flirting and purposely trying to get someone jealous...but after a while...it gets old and frustrating and repetitive. When a few months pass by, it usually means you're serious about that person and you move forward with the relationship, not just stay stagnant with the games.

It's simple people, don't lead anyone on. If you like them, tell them and do something about it. If not, tell them that too. Don't leave anyone hanging waiting for an answer when you know what you want and if its not them, please do us all a favor and tell the person.

//end angry chick rant.
thank you for your patience, classmates.

how to avoid the douche bags.

I had no idea what to post as my first blog, so I asked my good friend Serena what I should put up. She basically told me how I always rant about my guy problems that I should use this as an outlet...and posting a paper I wrote from last semester would be a perfect first post. So here it is...I edited a few things out for personal reasons and kept what was most relevant still. (:

If there is one thing I learned in my 20 years of life, it is this: anything with a phallus is, has been or will be a douche bag. Fathers, sons, uncles, brothers, best friends, boyfriends, nephews, hermaphrodites, transsexuals (pre operation), waiters, drug dealers; if you have a dangling membrane, it probably consists of the dominant gene: jerk. Now, I know there are many people out there that will disagree with me, and I am open to see this so-called “exception” so go ahead, I double-dog dare you. However, for the time being, I am an unbeliever. So for the ones out there who, like me, are sick of meeting the Mr. Wrongs, here are a few types you must avoid.

   Guitar players, singers, dancers, any guy with artistic ability

Any guy who learns four chords can play the entire billboard top 100 charts and win over any girl. Do not fall for it. Just because a guy posted a YouTube video of him singing “This I Promise You” by Nsync in his bathroom with a dedication to Jennifer, does not mean it is directly to you. He could know 10 other Jennifer’s. Dancers express themselves through the movement of their body; it lets them show emotions that they cannot show in a relationship with a girl, because they would rather be alone with their music. When they sing or dance for you, they want to convey the emotions they feel for you in their art, but in reality, they are just trying to get into your pants.

2.       Club rats

The best place to meet a guy is at the club. Loud house music, drinks pouring in, and one big orgy on the dance floor. You will definitely meet a keeper to bring home to mom.

3.       Metro-Sexuals

When a guy takes longer to shower than you, style their hair, pick out what they want to wear, try it on and several other outfits, and make sure he looks better than you and then is finally ready to head out…that right there is a red flag. When meeting a metro-sexual, proceed with caution, they could want one of two things from you:  1. To get into your pants or 2. Wanting to actually get into your pants to wear for the night. Sometimes both.

4.       Younger guys

“Men mature faster than women” of course that’s a scientific fact.

5.       Athletes

My personal favorite: physically built, sporty, and competitive on the field/court and off. Thanks to their athleticism and mentality to always win, they learned that only the best player could win the prize…or two…or three. They devote most of their time to football practices, late night basketball games in the park, and taking care of that athletes foot that they do not have time to take you out on a real date. When they ask you to be their special cheerleader on the side, chuck whatever ball is near you to his gonads and run away.

6.       Self proclaimed  douche bags

These are the guys who have been hurt by women before for being “too nice”, so they changed their game up a little, and decided it’s best to become jerks that bag the ladies. They know what tricks we are capable of, will us that against us, and we somehow fall for the rude attitude. I give you fair warning. When you first meet a guy and start “talking” in the sense that you are getting to know each other on a deeper level mentally, physically, and emotionally, he tells people he is talking to a girl…but when things go bad, he then decides to change “talking“into “talking” in the sense that you literally just talked to say “hi”, and when you ask what happened, he can say “we were just talking as friends.” Jerk.

Side note: there is no such thing as a perfect guy. I repeat: No. Such. Thing. Excuse the pessimism but; you will probably have better luck searching on Jupiter. I think I’ll go celibate.